Selfishness is not living as you wish it is asking others to live as you wish. Oscar Wilde.
You know, the point about consensual non-consent, is that it's consensual. It's a choice made by someone who is capable and informed, or it's not consent at all.
I don't need rescuing: really, I don't. I have never been happier in my life. I am more free and more loved and accepted for who I am than I have ever been before. And I don't take too kindly to being told that I should break my word to my partner just because someone else is not comfortable with my decisions about how I live my life.
Feminism is about freedom for women; freedom to choose. Not to choose from a limited selection of options which someone else thinks are good for you. It is not about replacing the tyranny of one group for another.
The choices, freely and cognisantly, made by one woman do not damage the rights of the rest to freedom and equality. Your attempts to dictate what choices she may or may not make, however, do.
What you need to understand is that, yes, I choose a specific asymmetry in my personal relationship, a power imbalance, but the fact remains that it is not, for us, in any way gender based. For the record, I find the whole male supremacy, head of household thing rather off-putting too. He is not the dominant one because he is male, and I the submissive as an inherent part of my femaleness, but because of our natural leanings and desires.
We are what we are because that is who we are. And it is affirming, empowering and good for each of us.